Jim’s Five Fantastic Tips for Online Dating Success

Whether you have been on a million dates with people that you met online, or are still preparing for your first, we can all do with a little bit of advice when it comes to the dating world!


    1. BE READY

Online dating can be enormously rewarding but also stressful.  Before venturing into the dating pool you need to ask yourself the question “Am I ready”?  For Nolongerlonely I always advise users to have a good conversation with a therapist or trusted advisor before venturing into online dating.

 

     2. BE DIFFERENT

My best advice is to stand out. Be specific and share things about yourself that will make someone take notice. Instead of generic likes/dislikes tell a story. Highlight interesting life events and accomplishments.

 

    3. BE PROACTIVE

Don’t just sit back and wait for the messages to show up in your inbox.  Browse the site, read profiles in-depth and send someone a message. Flattery is as strategy as long as you are sincere about it.

 

   4. BE PATIENT

While it is possible you will immediately meet the person of your dreams, odds are it will take some time and of course there are no guarantees.  Online dating allows you to be selective in seeking others that match criteria you value, which increases the odds of a good connection and a great thing about Nolongerlonely is you never have to worry about disclosing your condition.

 

  5. BE SAFE

We at Nolongerlonely are committed to your safety.  Every incoming profile is heavily scrutinized and the eyes and ears of our community serve as an effective line of defense.  That said you still need to exercise common sense when using the site and to guard your personal information until a significant level of trust has been attained.

 

Have you signed up for No Longer Lonely yet? No? What are you waiting for? It’s free and only takes a couple minutes! Check stigma at the door. Everyone on the site has some kind of mental illness.

Does The Joker Further Stigma-Induced Stereotypes?

The Joker is a very good film but not a film for everyone…

It requires a high tolerance for grit and violence.  For those with mental illness, some of the actions of the protagonist could very well be triggering and upsetting.  Also, anyone expecting to have a direct to the Batman franchise you would be mistaken.

Seeing a film with the knowledge that a review is forthcoming can poison the experience.  Scrambling to keep track of all the characters, the best plot twists, clever allusions to the genre can distract how the film makes you feel.  Thankfully for Joker, I entered Alamo Drafthouse with no thought of sharing my analysis.

So instead of writing a full-on review, I’ll concentrate on how the film made me feel and what I think it got right and wrong.  The Joker and his ailing Mother are clearly suffering from mental illness (what diagnosis is not clear). The film was quite genuine in showing their daily challenges.  Joker’s slow descent from the bounds of society is prophesied by that society’s inability to treat and help him.

Buoying the sensitive story-telling are some outstanding performances.  Joaquin Phoenix should be now enshrined as one of our great actors (I fully expect an Oscar nomination here).  A lot of the subtleties of his performance ring true. Several scenes he would manifest a twisted torso that mirrored his tormented psyche.

The question everyone, particularly in the mental health space, is asking is whether the film is “accurate”, “fair”, and “balanced” or does it further stigma-induced stereotypes.  To address the issue you need to assess the shocking ending (I will not provide a spoiler here). The Director clearly does not waver and paper over the gutsy story with anything uplifting that ties difficult strands together.

Having come into the film with few expectations (I did know of some controversy), I experienced it as a “Hollywood” movie and found myself believing in the characters and engaged by the plot.  The Joker himself evokes an eerie sympathy that sustains your interest.

So do I think that the film portrays mental illness in a sensationalized or inaccurate way?  Does it further stigmatize the mentally ill? For the most part, I don’t think so. I think most will see this film as the story and actions of one deranged person.  If anything the clarion call should be for society to do better in treating mental illness so downward spirals such as this can be thwarted.

On a final note…if you’ve never seen the 1970s film “Taxi Driver”…get the DVD now.  There are several strands that mirror the Joker. And here I said no genre allusions. I hope you will excuse my indulgence.

 

  • Jim Leftwich, CEO. 

 

Testimonials

Recent comments from site users encapsulate what I’m trying to achieve better than I could…

You made a nice update to the overall site within the past year or so. It’s looks fresher and seems more user friendly.

These people are our peers, and by extension of that, our friends. Everyone is doing the best that they can, and I respect that.

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More than Romance, We Just Need People

I recently received a testimonial that brought me to tears.  It reinforced my conviction about the vital need for human connection and also the importance of stepping beyond our comfort zone.  I created this website to facilitate stories like this.  I’ll include it here (with names changed).  Its power is self-evident.

Its been a while since I’ve logged on, but I think about NLL pretty much daily.

The site hasn’t brought me the love of my life (yet?) but has been instrumental in some really good friendships.

Continue reading “More than Romance, We Just Need People”

Movie Review: Split

I just watched the film “Split” on DVD fully expecting it to be another insensitive Hollywood swipe at depicting mental illness.  I emerged with mixed feelings.  The film abides by a familiar abduction plot, cute teenage girls locked away in some basement dungeon with a deranged warden and complicated motives.  M. Night Shyamalan (wrote and directed the film) is known for injecting a sense of unease and a bit of twisted suspense in his films.  He does put his personal stamp on this one but the plotting is fairly standard.  What distinguishes “Split” is our villain—a man with a serious mental illness.  The trained eye easily diagnoses Dissociative Identity Disorder, however an explicit classification doesn’t come until near the end of the film.

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